Are You Listening Like a Leader?
The one-on-one conversation is a powerful tool that is often misunderstood and misused in business. Most often, these meetings are used as routine check-ins that focus on performance metrics. This approach completely misses the point of a one-on-one and creates a lost opportunity to build trust, offer guidance, and connect on a real level with your team.
When one-on-ones become transactional, you lose the chance to influence your team. If you’re focused on checklists and metrics, you’re managing someone, not leading them. Shift the focus to understanding and supporting the people you lead. Done right, these conversations aren’t just meetings—they’re the key to unlocking your team’s potential.
5 Common One-on-One Mistakes
Transactional meetings are standard practice in the business world. Even well-intentioned leaders might find themselves using counterproductive strategies during one-on-one conversations. Here are some common mistakes:
- You take control of the agenda and shift the focus away from the team member’s needs.
- You immediately jump into metrics and performance, which makes the conversation feel transactional.
- You don’t schedule enough time to allow for a genuine dialogue, so the meeting feels rushed and lacks depth.
- You avoid difficult topics and miss the opportunity to provide support and guidance.
- You fail to follow up or follow through on what was discussed, which makes it look like you were only pretending to care.
It Matters How You Start
How you start a one-on-one conversation will make it or break it. Avoid the temptation to immediately pull up performance charts and start talking numbers. This is the traditional way of starting a meeting, so it can feel like a safe or comfortable approach, but it tells someone that you’re only interested in what you can get from them.
An effective conversation happens with you start by focusing on them. Your goal is to understand the person—their experience, their ideas, what motivates them, and what holds them back. Ask open-ended questions and spend some real time figuring out what makes them tick.
Resist the urge to steer the conversation back to business too quickly. Spend some real time letting them lead the discussion toward what matters most to them. Not only does this approach build trust and mutual respect, it’s the only way you will be able to offer the support that they need. If you don’t spend time getting to know the person, you won’t know how to guide them.
Building Long-Term Influence
The real power of one-on-one conversations lies in the relationships you build over time. When you consistently prioritize your team member’s growth and well-being, you create a strong foundation of trust and influence. These conversations are your opportunity to connect on a deeper level, understand their motivations, and guide them toward finding their own solutions.
Practical Steps for Leaders
- Start with Them: A one-on-one conversation should begin by focusing on the individual. Begin with open-ended questions that encourage a dialogue, like, “What’s something that really stood out to you recently?” or “What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing right now?”
- Listen to Understand: Listen with the intent to understand the person. Don’t focus on what you’re going to say next. Instead, listen and ask follow-up questions that help you see things from their perspective.
- Follow Through: A productive one-on-one isn’t just one conversation. It’s an ongoing dialogue that allows you to go deeper and understand what drives each person. Show them you’re paying attention by following up and following through.
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